Participating as a woman in Space Tech

Me at the International Astronautical Congress in Guadalajara, Mexico (2016)

I spent a decade being around almost all male colleagues and here's why I still believe that some men are really great.

I have been in classrooms with less than 10% women, but university provides the environment to find other women, so it didn't affect me initially. Then I started working on projects where I would be the only woman in a room full of men. University assignments can take up a lot of time, and sometimes made us eat meals together. On top of that I was an international student in Europe. When I joined MSc. in Space Engineering, I was the only Indian woman in my class of about 100 students. The few other European women would provide a stare and rarely return a smile, which took about a year to get better. Some of the other men, both European and Indian were just nice - normal kids trying to make friends.

In my early 20s, I didn't realise that my interest in hobbies, music, movies, were slowly getting shaped by some men around me. I remember feeling quite a misfit in my initial days of master studies. Not that all of it was bad, it just excluded me from understanding my own gender. I liked rockets, I liked satellites but I did not like some of my classmates and colleagues justifying destruction, setting up intellectual debates on global affairs with the logic that even the devil requires an advocate.

When you are 22-23 among similar age boys, it is quite normal to attract attention. It's not possible (or right) to accept all of it, but regardless of your response, you will become the common enemy thanks to the bro code. If you happen to choose one of them, that's it. God help you. You will hear characteristics about yourself that are written better than novelists creating fiction. Among all this, you have to forgive the boys, because you know they are young and immature, totally forgetting that you are young and immature too.

Fortunately, I always had friends outside aerospace. Always. I never understood why some of my space classmates looked down upon others. The other friends of mine have channeled their ambitions towards improving technology for the development of our society. So many of them have done PhDs and Postdocs in their respective fields and yet they continue to believe that not everything needs a grey barrier - some things are indeed black and white.

Being in that environment taught me a lot - not all men love destructive games, not all tech people are devoid of artistic abilities, and that talent and humanity have no gender. I once worked in a team on a super fascinating space project with me as the only woman on the tech side. I wish I could have continued that forever. Those guys are some of the most ideal men/humans I know. They are just normal people, highly meritorious and unabashedly human. That's when I realised I didn't have to become masculine to fit in. We were all comfortable just the way we were. They continue to be my favourite space team.

On the other hand, I met some men and a couple of women, who have continued their love for destruction. Over the years, they have learnt the skills of arrogance, misusing their positions (and talents), and 1000 different ways to avoid accountability. They always have 'reasons' for their wrong behaviour, they are nowadays laughing together on the file folder issue, they exude strength in public platforms by criticising others but the moment someone points out their flaws, even with just words, they become aggressively defensive. Their vibe gradually attracts their tribe.

Which leaves us with the men who know how to be friends, who take rejections in stride, never make excuses, and are genuine gifts to this planet. Along with many women, who simply can't figure out why I take nonsense from some space people. To all of them, anyone with intellectually dehumanizing logic, deserves to be in the trash bin. I now agree. I now seem to realise there is no passion or profession important enough to degrade yourself, to reduce you to a piece of code written with brains and no emotions, only to be replaced by something to which it truly belongs - AI.

Surprisingly, when I write about these things, a lot of activism sweet talks are hurled towards me, along with examples of women from distanced professions who are doing something terrible. Apples and Pebbles, right? I confine my discussions to what I know, and in no way do I claim that all I know is correct. But to justify a horrible incident by borrowing another similar use-case makes no sense to me. Why do I hear women in tech get compared to women from other professions? Why do I hear qualities of a man in tech getting compared to that of a man in entertainment? When we choose a profession for ourselves, do we really detach that decision from who we are?

Men, women, any gender, anyone on the face of this planet, have their own struggles. I don't believe there exists a human who is always content. But is it right to wear suffering as a badge of honour just to show the world that I matter?Or is it wise to choose to walk away from environments that are designed to cause trouble? Will the new path be all roses? Of course not, but atleast I wouldn't have to live with the fact that my profession honours men during a successful launch, and remembers women after 50 years as Hidden Figures.

With Love, Sumana.

Lifestyle & Cosmos is a blog by Sustainaverse to bring together conversations on fashion, conscious living, digital wellness, entrepreneurship, and space exploration.